So sure Crocs look like foot cheese (Swiss Emmental Foot Cheese that is), but in all seriousness as you can see from the below comparison to the left the Crocs Cayman cannot compare to the shear grotesqueness of the foot shoes on the right. The Converse Foot Shoes are malodorous, hideous, and very uncomfortable. In comparison the Caymans are only hideous, which would mean that the Crocs are, by two accounts better than the Foot Shoes. So it would seem that there exists a shoe worse then the Caymans, but how much worse are they? To find out, our investigation probed the opinions/reactions of three anonymous individuals who will from now until the end of the pseudo scientific experiment be identified as Indiv1, Indiv2, and Indiv3. So now onto the meat!

Crocs Black Cayman

Neither shoe is very visually appealing. This is what Indiv1 indicated to us after we investigated how inviting the unique appearance of each instance of shoe was. This mild mannered individual whose previous past times included viewing movies, art, and nature landscapes was changed after participating in our test (but as in all social dilemmas the sacrifice of one for the group is always viewed as the right path to take). Our tests was set up with Indiv1 being exposed to both shoes at once and picking from the two which shoe was less of an eyesore. Sadly enough we discovered there was a problem with the test though. The idea that the combined presence of the shoes might be too much of an eyesore for any single individual to absorb at once never occurred to the testing staff. Due to this oversight we send our deepest condolences and cheapest care package to Indiv1 whose sacrifice will never be forgotten by the footwear fashion community. Heres to Indiv1!

Indiv2 was and is a self-proclaimed coffee connoisseur and an individual with a particularly sensitive nose. The individual was blindfolded and exposed to the left (shoe) of each style. But, before his reaction to the footwear it might be helpful to understand the conditions of our experiment. Both shoes were obtained and maintained in a pristine state. Neither shoe was ever worn nor was either shoe exposed to an environment that the other had not. So to test the odor of one shoe against the other the individual who was blindfolded, was exposed to each shoe from a distance of one foot for approximately five minutes. The first shoe which was the Cayman conjured no reaction from our participant. Upon exposure to the second shoe this same individual began to involuntarily vomit and scratch at his face. After the ordeal this comment was made about the second shoe, “What in holy Helena’s hell did you place in that room! I felt my nostrils melt and my lungs gelling! The first five minutes were fine, but the second set of time darn near killed my children’s children!”. Needless to say we took this as a point for the Caymans.

The hideous Foot Shoes

After being exposed to both shoes in a double blind, triple false, pacing experiment Indiv3 made the following remarks about the Caymans (the second shoe worn): “At first it seemed as if I was walking on mutilated mammal flesh. The shoes were warm with no firm support and had this awkward habit of sticking to my socks. In comparison the shoes I have on now are similar to plodding through aged cool whip. After each step the form of the shoe returns to its original state and this is good because it offers a soft step but firm support. These shoes are definitely the real deal”. This testimony seems to support the statement that Caymans are better than Foot shoes when it comes to comfort. Upon the conclusion of this test we had collected enough information that yes indeed our hypothesis was confirmed and the Caymans have one upped the Foot Shoes and proven not to be the worst shoe of them all.

Now you might say my argument is asinine maybe absurd and I am aware that individuals are entitled to their respective opinions about fashion, but in all seriousness can anyone refute the statement that the Foot Shoes are overall less appealing than the Crocs Caymans? If you think you can I implore you to hit up the comment box box box. Oh and as a side note this is a totally fictional idea.